


Am I A Monster?

by Skydancer8



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Action Dueling, Alternate Universe, Blood, Family Bonding, NCT 2018, Sad, Starvation, Taeyong is worried leader, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-07 08:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skydancer8/pseuds/Skydancer8
Summary: The Firebird project is a brainwashing system used in order to create the best assassination unit. Street children are rounded up and are forced to undergo ruthless training in which they are forced to kill off the other units in order to survive.Taeyong cares about nothing more than his own unit members, NCT. Being one of the most formidable units, he is desperate to lose no one else and survive the program. However, will they all truly be the same after the brainwashing systems? Will he be able to stop them from becoming the monsters the Watchers want?





	1. Survival

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case you get lost on the terms-
> 
> Fighter- the ones mainly trained in fighting
> 
> Controller- the ones mainly trained in intellect
> 
> Duo- A permanent pair of Fighters
> 
> Solo- A permanent solo fighter
> 
> Unit- a whole team consisting of Fighters and Controllers
> 
> Bargain- To battle other units to get supplies for your unit

The room was quiet, hushed voices being shushed as the Fighters circled each other. 

_"He's putting weight on his left foot"_

Taeyong's eyes moved to look at his opponents stance. Sure enough, his current Controller, Jungwoo, managed to identify that small detail. The air smelled of blood, or maybe it was the leftover from his nosebleed a few hours before. He studied the boy in front of you. Skinny and pale, yet looking well enough that Taeyong guessed he had taken the largest proportion of food given to his unit. 

_"Tensed, strike will come from the left"_

Taeyong whipped is left arm up as a formidable kick was sent to his side, effectively blocking it from doing damage. His hand shot up to curve around his lower thigh, moving with lightning speed and giving him the advantage of momentum. A twist of his waist and the boy was on the ground, scrambling to free his leg. Taeyong planted a foot firmly on his throat, pressing down ever so slightly. There was no escaping Taeyongs grip, not when he was so desperate to get the food placed as a prize. Not when he knew that losing would mean death or punishment that could bring you near enough to yearn for it.

An outraged cry had Taeyong confirming that his Duo, Jaehyun, had also managed to conquer is opponent.

_"Break it"_

Jungwoo's voice was shaking, but he knew the order had to be done in order to prove that you had little empathy towards your opponent. That was what the Firebird Program wanted after all, to create merciless killers out of innocent children. He looked down at the boy who was still desperate to escape despite the odds. 

"Give up" Taeyong mouthed. Giving up a fight meant punishment to your whole unit. It meant that you were weak but you would not be killed. However, he got the answer he always received when he offered it. The boy shook his head, growling and thrashing even harder than before. 

It took one sharp movement and the boy was screaming from a broken leg. 

Jaehyun bowed his head to look at the boy he was currently pinning to the ground with his arms and legs, then at one of the Watchers who were situated right outside The Ring. He gave a brief not and motioned for Jaehyun to continue. The boy with the broken leg was trying to crawl to his Duo, to provide whatever back up he could from the inevitable fate they were going to face. Jaehyun pressed his arm hard against the others throat, cutting off his oxygen supply.

_"Hyung, you need to deal with him"_

Taeyong moved instinctively, preferring to think of the boys one of those rabbits he was forced to slice up alive when he had been a newbie in the program. He yanked the boy with broken leg back, pressing his heel on the injured bone and making the boy thrash in pain. There were many ways to kill someone, as he was taught. Kneeling down, Taeyong made his intentions clear and the boy started to scream for help from his unit, although that was a useless action.

Once you made a bargain in The Ring, you could never escape from it.

With a sharp twist, Taeyong broke his neck.

He stood up at the same time as Jaehyun, both of their opponents still on the ground. With small nod, they made their way out of the Ring, ignoring the gunshots that meant their opponents Controllers had been sent to their deaths. A Watcher passed them a plastic bag containing the food that was promised, nodding and telling them to return to their Cells immediately. There was a pattering of feet and their two Controllers, Jungwoo and Ten, came up to them, nodding in acknowledgement.

"They bet quite a lot, though" Taeyong said as they neared their Cell. "To Bargain this much for just a Duo Fight, they must have anticipated going against us"

Ten shook his head, scratching at his bare arms, although he didn't seem to be aware that he was doing it. "They let their desperation overcome their ability to think rationally. They got what was coming for them."

"We were lucky enough to be selected against an amateur Unit" Jaehyun added, sweat still prominent on his pale skin. "I doubt they have any other members left."

Jungwoo scoffed and a dark look passed over his face. "That just means we're one unit down. One less problem to think about"

Taeyong didn't want to think of it. There were around a hundred units when he first arrived, and now it had decreased to around 60 as the program went on. It made the reality that they were killing others like prey feel truer. He had had his first kill at the age of 18, when he had begun to enter the Colosseum other than the Ring. While the Ring was hand to hand combat, the Colosseum involved weaponized fights, making killing much easier. 

They arrived at their cells and the bars were lifted so they could enter. Cells were pretty much rooms guarded by metal bars. In their own, the floor was cold cement, dirty and spotted with blood unwashed for weeks. There were no beds and nothing soft enough to provide any comfort except two hammocks. The could fit one person, and was poorly maintained to the point that they had to Bargain for pipe water in the past. There was a hole in the wall leading to an empty room and a straight row of 9 punching bags. A giant screen was just above their Cell door if there were any information from the Watchers.

"I got us some food" Taeyong called and a few pair of eyes glanced his way.

"Youngie!" Taeil cried out, almost falling out of one of the hammocks. "I told you not to Bargain without all of us knowing."

"We didn't Bargain" Jaehyun mumbled. "We were pulled to be the Opponents of the Bargainers"

There was a rush of feet and a small body slammed against Taeyongs. The Leader smiled fondly at the sight of their youngest Fighter, Jisung, who was only 17. The boy had entered at 11 years old, being the youngest in the program at that time. He was currently the youngest Fighter to survive the Ring while going solo-

"Hyung, is something wrong?" Jisung asked as Taeyong grimaced at the memory.

Jisung had conquered his Opponent at the age of 13, putting sleeping pills on the line. Hansol had been his controller then, and had urged him to kill his opponent at first, However, looking ta the young boys face, he had known that Jisung was not capable of killing, not at that age. It was a dangerous situation, and Hansol had made the sacrifice by telling Jisung that he didn't have to kill him. The earpieces were controlled by the watchers, and that order had caused Hansol to be shot in the head sue to his weakness.

They never brought it up, and Hansol was the first and only member of the NCT unit to be killed throughout their years.

"Nothing. Where are the others?" The only people in view were the older members, whilst the younger ones were nowhere to be seen.

"The 99 liners and Hyuck went to the sparring area" Yuta called from his comfortable place on the floor, his head resting on a sleeping Sichengs' thigh. "I think the others are with Renjun. You know how they are"

At the mention of Renjun, everyone was quiet. The young Chinese boy had caught a fever a few days back and was currently hidden in the small room. The program only allowed small fevers but Renjuns' had escalated at a startling pace. If the Watchers caught him, they would kill him on the spot. The Unit had considered Bargaining for medicine, although they knew that it would be a big risk since medicine was not something easy to obtain.

"I'll go to the sparring area, then" Taeyong said and placed the bag of food in Taeils' hands. "You should let Chenle help you sort it out. We need to get him eating"

Jisung nodded. "I'll go get him"

There was a the brief sound of somthing big hitting the floor before Johnny walked towards them in his whole gigantic glory.

"I'll follow you, you know, just in case the Watchers target you as an Opponent" he rationalized, stretching his arms. "Besides, I think Hyucks' been having a hard time since Renjun got sick"

"Aren't all the 00 liners?" 

The sparring area was a large room that could only be used by one unit at a time. The room was rarely used by many as it was the nearest to the Ring, and thus made you a target if a Bargain was held. The Units always tried to avoid fighting as an opponent as much a possible, as the decreasing of members could lead to distress within the Unit itself. 

The room had a softer floors to absorb impact. The only facilities in there was a rack of weights and bulletproof vests that could be used while sparring.

When they entered, they saw the trio currently in a spar. It was an obvious 2 vs 1 since both Mark and Lucas had become a Duo Fighters while Donghyuck had become a Solo Fighter. Donghyuck was wearing weights on both of his legs while the Duo both had bulletproof vests on.

Lucas used his long limbs as a momentum to swing at Donghyuck, but the younger easily deflected each blow with sidesteps. Mark was more of a brawler, going for any open spots he could find and instantly attacking. Even then, Donghyuck always managed to dodge each blow and have the Duo colliding with one another. 

"Why isn't he attacking?" Taeyong asked Johnny as the fight progressed. 

"He's trying to go on defensive today. Dodging is really important when your opponent is larger than you" The Controller explained. "It requires fast reflexes and feet coordination"

Taeyong remembered meeting Mark and Lucas at first. They were around 15 when they first came, and both had been strays from a closed down orphanage. However, their personalities complimented each other and they did well on their physical exams. It was easy to see their growth after years of training, and Taeyong was glad that they had the feeling of responsibility to go training by themselves.

Donghyuck, however, was different. He had been taken in even before Tayeong had arrived and had been in the earlier schedules of the program which had been said to be twice as ruthless as the current one, but had been changed due to the number of children driven insane. Donghyuck was formidable in both intellect and fighting, but had become a Fighter once the NCT unit filled up. Taeyong had never seen someone move like Donghyuck, as if he had known every move his opponent was going to try, and knew how to stop it.

"I think that's enough, children" Tayeong called, making the trio stop and glance at their leader. "We have food"

"YOU BARGAINED?!!" Mark exclaimed, "Hyung-"

"No, we were selected as Opponents out of nowhere, but won." their leader explained and gently helped them out of their weights. "The Bargainers had made a stupid bargain anyway. They did a Duo Fight for food equal to a Unit Fight"

"So, they were deemed to go against stronger opponents in the first place" Hyuck sighed , stretching his legs. "You can't be idiotic in this program. The Watchers hate idiots"

Lucas choked. " I am highly offended"

"Good thing we have strong Controllers too" Johnny waggled his eyebrows, making the others groan. They made their way back into the hall and the lights turned off by themselves. "We're thinking of Bargaining for medicine tomorrow"

"It's too much" Lucas shook his head. "They'll make an irregular fight. If we go for Duo, we'll be against a whole Unit. If we go for Solo, they'll send a Duo or maybe a whole Unit against us"

"We can't let Renjun die, okay?" Taeyong said in a stern voice. "What do i always say?"

"Family comes first" They chorused.

When they arrived at their Cell, everyone else was already in a circle. A small amount of food was in each of their bowls, not even filling it up to the top, but it was much more than before. Respectfully, they sat down to complete the circle, the only missing spot being Kun and Renjuns'.

"How's Injunnie?" Jaehyun asked as they started eating. "Is it too bad?"

Jaemin shook his head. "He stopped vomiting, but he's still shivering a lot. I just hope it's not a virus"

"Kun-ge had been beside him the whole time" Sicheng added, his eyes hollow and dark. "It's been 5 days since"

Taeyong stood and grabbed the leftover food. "I'm going to go and see him. It's going to be trouble if he doesn't eat at least a bowl."

Jungwoo fidgeted with his fingers, suddenly feeling nerves tingle up his body. Ever since he had witnessed Hansol being shot, he had picked up nervous habits. "He'll survive, right, hyung?"

Taeyong let out a sigh before ruffling Jungwoo's hair. 

"If we try our bet, yes. I want to continue our discussion about the medicine later" 

The small room was indeed, no larger than their bathroom. It could only fit about five people if they were to lay down and squish together like sardines. By one wall. Renjun lay on the cold cement, his head supported by folded towels. He was sweating hard yet was shivering from the cold. Taeyong didn't know what scared him most, the sharp pants that filled the room or the fact that his face was scrunched up in agony.

"Taeyong" Kun breathed out, squeezing water out of a small handkerchief and placing it on Renjuns forehead. "I'm glad you're here"

"How is he?" Taeyong questioned, sitting down and passing a bowl of food to Kun. 

"Fever hasn't gone down, hasn't woken up for a while" Kun wiped his forehead. "He's been shivering none stop, we can't do anything if we have no medicine"

Taeyong crawled his way to Renjun's side, lifting the boy onto his lap and supporting his head using his arm. "Injunnie, you have to eat, okay?"

There was no response, as if he were already halfway to death already. He probably was. 

"Sweetheart, if you can hear me, just move a  little bit, yeah?"

There was no movement, until he felt a finger move against the thin fabric of his clothes. Oh God, he was awake but couldn't bear to move. He didn't realize how bad the fever had got. 

"He's so weak" Taeyong whispered, taking the handkerchief and wiping away the sweat on Renjun's pale face. "Kun, what do we do?"

The latter did no respond, having no answer himself. Taeyong took the bowl and scooped up quarter spoonful of rice before letting Renjun's head fall back, so his mouth was partly open. Gently, he let the rice sit on the youngsters tongue and waited.

There was a small movement of his jaw that showed Renjun was trying to chew on it. His eyes remained closed but he was trying, trying for the sakeof survival. Renjun wasn't stupid, he was a Controller after all. He knew he needed to eat as much as he could.

Slowly, slowly, patiently, Taeyong helped Renjun empty the bowl. When he was finished, he set Renjun back down on the ground, adjusting his limbs into a more comfortable position.

"Survive, okay, Renjun. Survive for us"

_"TAEYONG HYUNG!!!!!!"_

Taeyongs head whipped up and he stumbled out of the small room. Jeno was pointing at the screen that had big letters on it.

 

**BRAWL TO THE DEATH NCT VS VIGILANTE**

**-ANY PRIZE WILL BE GIVEN** -

 

 

"This is it, this might be our chance!" Lucas pumped his fists.

Mark smacked the back of his head. "No, you dimwit! Vigilante is the group with the oldest members, and all of them have more than 50 on their kill count"

Taeyong shushed them. Everyone was looking at the screen, waiting for the next information anxiously.

 

**VIGILATE- PARK HYUJIN (KILL COUNT: 83)**

**NCT- LEE DONGHYUCK (KILL COUNT: 52)**

 

"Oh My God, No!" Taeyong put his head in his hands. "Nonono..."

The NCt unit started to make noise out of shock.They were going to send one of their youngest against the most experienced member. Park Hyunjin had also been one of the first of the program and his unit all had gian well fed bodies. There was no way they could let Hyuck go against a monster.

"Please tell me we can cancel it!" Mark begged, "We can decline it, right?"

"It's an invitation" Donghyuck spoke in a low voice. "We can't decline an invitation from the Watchers."

Taeyong shook his head and placed his hands on Donghyucks' shoulders, looking down at him. "No, Hyuck, you don't have to fight-"

"What if I want to?!" 

The room was quiet, everyone focused on the scene in front of them. Donghyuck gestured towards the small room where Renjun lay.

"I-If I  can do anything, _anything_ to help him, let me do it" Donghyuck looked defiant, eyes hard and Taeyong felt chills creep down his spine.  "Let me fight this battle for us, hyung. Family comes first-"

"You are family too! If you die out there we might have to lose two of our brothers!" Taeyong burst out. "I-I don't want us to end up like Hansol-"

Donghyuck pushed Taeyongs hands off of his shoulders. "I won't die, hyung. As much as you try to stop me, the Watchers won't change the Brawlers for today. I'll get us the medicine we need"

Everyone looked at Taeyong, waiting for his decision.

"Jeno, get him ready. Doyoung, I need you as his Controller."

* * *

**So guys, that is it for the first chapter!!!**

**Comments will determine if I'll keep this fanfic going or not, and I really appreciate them!**

**Be sure to leave kudo's too and if you have any ideas or questions, leave them in the comments!**

 


	2. Fighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brawl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is kinda short. I started writing this an hour before returning to boarding school.

Taeyong hated it. He hated how every single freaking Unit in their intake was surrounding the Ring in anticipation. He hated how hungry the others looked and how little people were on their sight. Of course, following a brawl would be a Bet where each Unit can take sides in the Brawl get food.

It disgusted him.

A hand rested on his tensed shoulder, and he met the eyes of his Duo. Jaehyun nodded and pulled him into a hug. The cheers were getting louder as the bell rung twice to signal that the Brawlers should enter the Ring. 

"He's strong, Youngie."

"He's still young"

Jaehyun shook his head. "We have no idea what he went through during the early schedules of this program to the point that his kill count is higher than fifty. He's experienced more than most of us, okay? Besides, he's our stubborn kid."

"Too stubborn to die" Taeyong laughed weakly, watching as Donghyuck gave Doyoung a quick hug before he stepped into the Ring. Looking at the size difference, Hyujin could completely cover Donghyucks' body if he stood in front of him. It was like comparing a gorilla to a chimpanzee. 

The bell rung once and they both went into a defensive stance.

"He changed his form" Jungwoo whispered, making the rest of the NCT Unit look at him. "That's not how he usually starts"

"Why would he do it now?" Johnny asked, suddenly feeling worried. "He shouldn't do experimentation in this situation"

"But he isn't"

They all turned simultaneously to Mark, who had suddenly gotten paler. "It's not a new stance, it's his original stance. Can't you guys sense it?"

They all looked back to the Brawlers who were not moving, waiting, analyzing each other. Hyujin tried for a jab straight to Donghyuck's head, aiming for a single blow kill, but Donghyuck moved faster than ever, dodging and locking Hyunjin's arm with both of his own. Before they knew it, Hyujin was stumbling back from a sharp kick straight to his chest. There was a heaviness in the air, something that had always been there during fights, but now seemed heavier than ever.

"It's a murderous aura. Hyuck isn't holding anything back today. He's aiming to kill" Mark said, biting his lower lip. "Hyujin is too"

Hyujin went on defensive, raising his arms as Donghyuck attacked with fists, seemingly trying to find an opening. Hyujin brough his leg up and sent a kick straight to Donghyucks' side. The younger grimaced in pain but dropped in a floor swipe, swiping Hyunjin off his feet and onto the floor. 

Still on the floor, Donghyuck raised his leg to slam Hyujin in the stomach but the man rolled away, bringing himself up to his feet and leaped forward, elbow out to deliver a death blow to the ribs. Twisting his body, Donghyuck pushed lower body up and used his hands to push his body upwards. His feet went straight up to Hyujin's face. Hyujin's thick arm came up and dug into Donghyucks' chest , slamming him to the side. Hyujin fell to his knees, shaking his head to clear the blurriness in his eyes. Blood ran down his now broken nose.

"They're both down" Jonny reported. "Come on, Hyuck, stand up, stand up!"

Donghyuck spat blood onto the floor, growling in a manner that was so unlike him. When Taeyong looked into his eyes, he saw that all the bright kindness in them was gone. Both managed to get to their feet at the same time, now panting raggedly.

Perhaps wanting to get it over with, Hyunjin attacked first with continuous blows that did not grow sloppy. Donghyuck matched them with no less formidable dodges and blocks. They were moving in a blur, ducking and punching and kicking with no stop. They didn't seem to be losing stamina.

"Oh God-" Taeyong gasped when Hyunjin managed to catch Donghyuck's high kick, smirking in success. "He's gonna-"

Mark shook his head, smiling. "Not to Hyuck"

Donghyuck jumped high and sent his other foot straight at Hyujin's neck, sending the man to the stumbling to the side. Hyujin had great strength. A normal person would haev fallen to the floor with a broken neck. Before he could recover, with his back to Donghyuck, the younger went leaped and folded his legs right over Hyujin's shoulders, around his neck.

Hyujin made a strangling sound as he went crashing backwards to the ground. Donghyuck's legs moved to wrap around Hyujin's torso and arms. One arms was over Hyunjin's head and the other was under his chin. His hands pressed on the older man's skull, eyes waiting, waiting for the next order. Hyujin was struggling hard but something in his face told him the kick to his neck had damaged something.

The crowd was quiet, waiting for him to make a move.

The stalling enabled Taeyong to read Hyujin's lips, to see him utter something to Donghyuck between his pain and terror of dying.

_"You've grown up a lot kid"_

And then there was a loud cracking sound and Hyujin did not move. The crowd roared in approval and there was a gunshot, indicating the death of Vigilante's Controller.

Yuta and Sicheng yelled out in joy, hugging each other. Jaemin adn Jeno had Chenle and Jisung squished between them, crying in relief. Johnny ran up the steps to get to Doyoung, and Taeyong could see them hugging tightly in the control center. Mark and Lucas were high fiving, Mark smiling smugly as if he were never worried about the outcome the whole time. Taeil just stood in shock, burying his head in his hands and sobbing out of happiness. Jungwoo was crying hard into Taeyong's chest, the older hugging him tight. 

Ten was already at the Rings entrance, ready to support Donghyuck if he seemed near fainting along with Jaehyun.

Donghyuck spat out blood once again, looked down at Hyujin's body, and walked away. When he grabbed the bag of medicine and stumbled into his Units arms, Taeyong looked into his eyes. The animalistic look was gone, changing to the eyes of a boy who just realized what he had done. 

Taeyong tapped Donghyuck's shoulder and the younger launched himself into his leaders arms. The medicine was still in the bag but Taeyong didn't care. This young boy, this thin underfed boy had won. He had survived just as he had promised.

"I'm so, so proud of you" Taeyong whispered. "Lee Donghyuck, you are such a strong boy"

Donghyuck cried into Taeyongs' arms, whether of guilt or happiness, Taeyong didn't know. 

"Let's get you back to the Cells. It's been a long day" Taeyong said and gently passed the medicine to Chenle. "Go to Kun with this. Tell him to prepare some ointment for Hyuck."

Chenle nodded and he pulled Jisung along to their Cell. The rest of NCT took turns hugging Donghyuck, thanking him and praising him for his bravery. However, none of them could even comprehend the sudden change of performance when he was in the Ring. The thought was pushed aside however, when they focused on the fact that he was still alive in front of them, looking normal.

"Project Firebird" Taeyong heard Taeil whisper to himself. "Is this what you intended at first?"

Taeyong felt a chill running down his spine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! Be sure to leave comments and such becaus eit will determine the fate of this fanfic in the future!!!


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